Jesus Fill Me

I have been meaning to write for ages, but it's hard to get on the computer these days. I am very out of practise with writing in general, apart from shopping lists and menus. Feel like there's so much to say, but don't really know where to start. Problem is, the longer you leave it, the pressure builds and you can't start because it's got to be amazing! But that's internal pressure I am putting onto myself and at this moment I shake it off like a wet dog. There. That's better. Because it's not about being amazing, funny or profound. It's about being real.

Jesus' friend Paul says that he has this treasure (Jesus, the kingdom, the Holy Spirit, life) in a jar of clay (his body) to show other people and himself that it's not about him. Even our bodies, weak and falling apart as they are, or precisely because of this, can point to God.

Recently I have been thinking about motherhood and how as mothers we pour ourselves out into our children and families. Sometimes it feels as though I don't know who I am or what I want any more. God challenged me about this recently because when I feel empty, God can pour into me more of his life, his grace, his love and joy and his plans because there is more space for him in there now. If I want Christ to be formed in me then I need to understand that this life is not my own, it is his to do what he wants with. The amazing thing is that as soon as we give up our life for Jesus, we get it back again, but in amazing colour (like that video with the tivoli balls boucing down the street in slow motion and the frog leaping out of the drainpipe) and with double, triple and quadruple joy. I love the topsy turvy life that Jesus talks about. Sometimes you catch a glimpse of it when you do something for someone else that should be hard work, but joy wells up inside you instead. He can be trusted, everything he said is true.



One of my favourite bible verses goes something like this: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Isn't it funny that when you are truly delighting in the Lord, then the desires of your heart are more of him! I want more of Jesus in me with my kids, my husband, in the playground and with the people I brush up against every day.

I said I was out of practise with writing, so I probably should have stopped a few lines back. Oh well. 'Til next time...